Lessons from My Miscarriage
“In this you rejoice, though for now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. So that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7.
Grief can consume you. The heart dies a slow death. Miscarriage- the word cuts through the silence, through your dreams, through your hopes, like a knife. The same body that was supposed to carry life now carried death instead. And yet- even in the deepest depth of despair, my mind raced to cling to the truth of God’s character. Scripture promised that God would never forsake nor leave me. He is omnipresent and therefore even if I didn’t feel it, He was with me in my pain. I thought of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who were cast into a burning furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar for refusing to bow to a false idol (Daniel 3:16-28). I thought of the shock on Nebuchadnezzar’s face when the three men did not burn and instead a fourth heavenly man was seen in the furnace with them, completely unscathed. In the same way, I knew that God was with me in the fire now.
Grief is a process. There is no right way to grieve. It was a difficult process and I found that despite my pain, my soul cried out for God. I remembered all the things I’d gone through in the past and how God had gotten me through them. If He had done it then, He would do it now. I needed to only remember and call out to Him, clinging to the truth of His faithfulness. So, I clung to Him. Though my mind and heart wrestled with anger, despair, and grief, I leapt into the Father’s arms and begged Him to keep my heart soft. Don’t let this harden my heart, I mentally asked Him.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18.
Worship shifts our perspective
This is what I’ve learned. Despite the teachings of prosperity gospel, you will not have a carefree, pain-free life as a follower of Jesus Christ. Instead, because of sin, you will struggle and face troubles in this life, just like everyone. It is not an act of punishment, but rather the result of living in a world broken by sin and death. Despite this, our hope and joy come not from the world around us but from God, who is our strength. It means in the midst of the fire, we can hold onto God and focus on His presence over the troubles of this world. Worship shifts our perspective. It shifts our focus from our problems to our Healer. It grounds us. The best medicine for sorrow is worship. Don’t let Satan have a foothold in your heart. Worship through the grief.
God is good
God’s goodness is not dependent on whether He gives us everything we desire but is dependent solely on His character. It’s simply who He is. We can only see half formed fragments based on our current reality, but God sees the future laid out in full, extending from generation to generation. We don’t understand true goodness because we are marred by the corruption of sin in this world. Our feelings and judgments are flawed, but God’s are perfect. His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). Nothing God gives belongs to us but in fact are gifts given by Him simply because He loves us. The greatest gift and the most beautiful thing God could have ever done was send Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us. If He never did another thing, that was more than enough.
“I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:30.
We don’t have to understand to trust
We may not understand why God allows things to happen, but we can trust Him and know He is with us throughout it. We can trust that He is working all things for our good and His glory. It doesn’t mean things will always go our way or everything we desire will come to pass. It means even when we don’t understand, we trust the character of God and know that He is working all things together for the greater good. Even in pain, we can trust He is for us. We can have faith that He has a perfectly designed plan for us. He is still good, even when our circumstances are not. I will still praise His name, even when everything around me falls apart.
“And we know for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.
Faith is often born in the dark, difficult moments of life. Suffering is a part of this world. It is inevitable, but it does not have to be unbearable. So, cry, scream, let it out, but do not be silent. Do not let your grief consume you. Instead take it to God and unravel your broken heart. He can take it and He is with you through all of it. Holy work is often done in the dark, in the blood and the mud, when there’s nothing to hold onto but the light of faith. Our pain is not wasted and serves to strengthen and mold us in the process of sanctification. Take courage, and give it to God, for our help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth (Psalm 121:2).
“Holy places are dark places. It is life and strength, not knowledge and words, that we get in them. Holy wisdom is not clear and thin like water, but thick and dark like blood.” C.S. Lewis.
This present suffering reminds us that things are not as they should be on this earth. The world is scarred by sin and death. However, this present suffering points us to a greater day when there shall be no more tears, nor mourning, nor suffering, nor death (Revelation 21:4). That day will be the return of our Lord, and what a glorious day that shall be. Until then we await with soft, open hearts and faith-filled hope forged and strengthened through the fire.
“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” John 16:21-22.
